Wax Off, Wax On

Why do preschool enrichment classes require that you pay for classes upfront? Probably because they are familiar with the fickle whims of your average 4-year-old.

Case in point: Booper was thriving in his martial arts class, enthusiastically participating, and earned his first stripe after the required 5 classes. At the 6th class, the Handyman came along and videotaped the class for posterity. We watched the video endlessly in the living room, oohing and aahing over Booper's accomplishment. But the Boop did not seem so impressed.

The following week, he absolutely refused to participate. Would not even put on his uniform. The Senpei (junior teacher and also Sensei's son) sensitively inquired if "anything happened at school today" to upset him. Nope. He just categorically refused to do the class. I gave him a pass that day and that night we discussed the problem. It came out that Booper was nervous about doing jumping jacks after seeing himself on the video. He does not think he does JJs the right way, and he refuses to particpate in something that he does not do well. (Uh....that gene would be mine. Sorry.) So after a lengthy JJ practice session and a talk about how it's okay to make mistakes, we tried again.

Boop was willing to put on his uniform this time, but he hid behind the elliptical trainer and would not come out, curling up with a big boo-boo face. The Sensei came over to encourage him, but no dice. I told Sensei that Booper was worried about making a mistake with the jumping jacks. He said, "hey, it's no big deal. I make mistakes with the JJs sometimes too." Booper was unmoved. We stayed for 2/3 of the class, then I took him home, angry at his unwillingness to even try. I know it was a mistake to be angry, and even in the moment I knew it wouldn't help, but I was frustrated at the thought of having spent all this $$ on the class only to have him refuse to do it. I'm not sure why this touched such a nerve in me, but I was pissed. I resolved to talk with Sensei the next day to strategize.

As soon as I walked into the dojo, Sensei asked, "So what's up with [Booper]? Why doesn't he want to do class?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," I answered.

"When that kid smiles, his face lights up the room. But when he's grumpy, look out!" he observed.

"I know. But I don't think it's a good idea to let him quit once it gets difficult. We want to teach him that making mistakes is okay, especially in a class, and that he has to keep trying."

"Yeah, you can't stop bringing him now. He'll just learn that it's okay to give up. Just keep bringing him until you eventually wear him down. Sometimes you have to walk that line between pushing and parenting."

So I resolved to continue bringing him to class. The next opportunity was Saturday morning, after the adult boxing/kickboxing class. In the past, I have taken this one-hour class, which is immediately followed by the preschool martial arts class, and Booper has played or colored while I got my sweat on. The people at the dojo are totally cool with that. So I brought Booper along, hoping he could hang out and get comfortable enough to do his class. (If you knew his personality, you'd know that this is a sound strategy.) I also tried a little "psychology." I told him I was nervous about my class because I was going to have a new teacher, but I planned to do the class anyway, even though I felt scared. I asked him if he feels scared about his class too, and we agreed to support each other through the nerves with a promise of chocolate if we both did our "best job."

Upon arrival, I put on his uniform (I mean I helped him put his uniform on. You knew that, right?) then started punishing myself with kicks, punches, push-ups, and the like. He was watching me intently to be sure I did my "best job" when the Sensei asked him if he'd like to help do some measuring around the studio in preparation for a remodeling project, Booper eagerly agreed. He happily followed Sensei around, holding the tape, counting the numbers, and assisting with the work. They were having a great time, yucking it up. I heard a passer-by ask the Sensei, "Hey...is that your boy?" To which Sensei replied, "I wish."

When it came time for the kids class, Booper again was reluctant to take part. He was worried about the jumping jacks. The senpei lead him over to class and I told him I would do the first part with him (mostly stretching). He agreed. While he did not do any JJs (and that is the very first thing they do), he did complete the rest of the class with aplomb. As a very special reward, Sensei gave him another stripe for his belt. (You're supposed to complete 5 classes for a stripe, and Booper wasn't there yet.) He said that this special stripe was something Booper earned for being brave and overcoming his fears.

Booper was over the moon. After class, he ran into my arms and showed me his new stripe. "Look at my stripe, Mom! I am so happy!" I wanted to run over and give the Sensei a big hug, but opted instead to just whisper "Thank you" as he walked by. To which he replied, "You are very welcome." Don't you love the Sensei? I think I found the right teacher for my kid. Now if I could just get this lucky with the kindergarten thing.