Monday, July 30, 2007

Just Don't Call Me Late for Dinner

This week, we are getting a visit from the in-laws. Well, the quasi-in-laws. I'll explain. As some of you may know from HalfMama, my mother-in-law passed away a few years ago. I won't even try to explain how sad this is for all of us, even now, and I will move on to the point of my post. (And this is where you Kimchi Mamas come in.)

My FIL, harabuji, is coming to visit with his "lady friend" of about 2 years, let's call her Yoko. (I know this is linguistically/culturally inaccurate, but the name fits her on a pop-culture level.) One afternoon, after harabuji began dating Yoko, he phoned me at my office. I could count on one hand how many times my FIL called me at my office, and always it had to do with my MIL's medical issues, so I feared for the worst. After hemming and hawing for about 20 minutes, he finally told me that he was calling to say that "something happened to him" and that he had "fallen in love." He was calling to ask me to help him tell his children. While honored, not to mention astounded that I had the inside track on some juicy family gossip, I felt uncomfortable with this assignment and did not know what to do. (Was this a Korean thing? Just a My Family thing?) That evening, I sat the Huz down on the couch and spilled the Mung beans. He took it like a champ, and told his sisters, with all of them stepping up nobly to the plate to express their happiness to their father.

This is the second time that Yoko and Harabuji have come to visit us, and this time they are staying in a B&B near our house, as opposed to in our house as they did last time. (Can you say awkward moments?) Before their arrival last time, I asked the Huz, as well as my FIL, what my son should call Yoko. I did not want my boy to appear disrespectful and I was unfamiliar with the mores of this particular situation vis a vis Korean culture. FIL told me it would be okay for him to call her by her first name. I even asked Yoko herself, and she said it was okay to use the first name. During the visit, however, when Huz and I were not around, harabuji asked my son to call Yoko halmuni. (As he had previously done with Buddy & Bean.) Later that week, I told Huz that harabuji wants the kids to call Yoko halmuni. He looked sternly in the mirror while adjusting his tie and said, "That's not going to happen." So we went right on our merry way, calling her by her first name.

Now they are returning, and both boys can talk, so we will have to revisit the issue, I'm afraid, with The Caboose. Huz, HalfMama, and I are all very uncomfortable with calling this woman Halmuni. She is not Halmuni. Halmuni was the Huz's mother, and we show the boys her picture all the time and call her Halmuni. This other lady, while sweet to my children, is not their Halmuni in our eyes. So here's my question to you, Kimchi Mamas:

Is it widely accepted, in Korean culture, to call an older woman Halmuni, regardless of whether she is your grandmother? Is there some other term of respect that my children can use that would be appropriate? In my world, Grandma is reserved only for Grandmas. Is Halmuni the same?

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims
with great difficulty

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Grasping at Straws

I don't know how some moms do it, but I can never find time to exercise. I work full-time, own my own business, and have the two spawn you have heard so much about. But recently I discovered something that is working surprisingly well. FitTV. Does anyone else watch it? I've TiVo'd a couple of shows, then I watch them with the boys in the living room. Mostly they are cardio shows from the All-Star Workouts series. Either hip-hop dance or kickboxing. They have music, colorful outfits, and vivacious teachers. Booper & The Caboose love to do it with me, and as long as they aren't lifting any weights, the doc said it's really safe. So they (pretty much) let me complete the class, then might toddle off to play with toys and return later. But I'm breaking a sweat. Has anyone else tried this? Know of any good shows that would fit the bill?

One caution: I try to avoid the shows with a lot of jumping. After two babies, I have a tendency to leak. Does anyone else share this secret shame?

Oh...and before I forget, today is HalfMama's birthday. Big shout out to Mo' Komo. I would wish her a night of drunken debauchery, but she had that already.

Jewish triathlon:
gin rummy, then shopping wholesale,
followed by a nap

Friday, July 20, 2007

The Invisible Woman

Monday is my birthday. I turn 41. Yawn. Nothing important or milestone-esque about it. Just another year under my ever-tightening belt. I am wondering if this means I am middle-aged now. If you get an average of 80 years or so, I am entering the second half, right?

I hear what you're saying, "it sure beats the alternative," and I agree. But it's on my mind just the same. Sure, some things are better now that I'm older, but none of them have to do with my body or appearance. My relationship with my mother is better, and this is no small thing. My level of confidence in myself to "get shit done" is better. I can always get shit done, and well, when I need to. I have a beautiful family, a devoted husband, lots of friends, a warm and safe home, blah blah blah. And I'm thankful, really. (I want to be sure that, if there is a G-d, he hears me say I'm thankful. Because it's widely accepted among Jews that if you are not appropriately thankful for your blessings in life, they will promptly disappear.)

Now comes the part where I start complaining. (It's also widely accepted among Jews that if you stop complaining for even one second, G-d will give you something new to complain about.) I am turning into an invisible woman, i.e. I am no longer hot. There was a time, long ago, when I would walk down the city streets and have all kinds of dudes check me out. All colors, ages, shapes, sizes. I know that some women don't like this, but I found it empowering. I would think, "that's right, *sshole, check out what you are never going to have." I will confess to you that my self-esteem got a little boost every time I heard a whistle or obscene proposition. (I used to live in NYC, and my female coworkers and I regularly had a contest for who heard the most creative lewdness on her way to work that day.) I ignored each and every come-on, but then went right ahead and tucked that energy boost into my back pocket. I'm sure this is shallow of me, and I admit it only under the shroud of blog secrecy, but I dug it. It gave me a little charge. And as my coworkers and I would frequently state: "Just because a man is filthy, homeless, schizophrenic, and a junkie doesn't mean he can't appreciate a good-looking woman."

Lately, however, these looks are fewer and farther between. I delivered two babies, after the age of 35, and I think we all know the kind of collateral damage that entails. I have no time for pedicures, facials, or any of the other maintenance that used to be a regular part of my routine. I rarely have time to exercise. Dinner usually consists of whatever does not get eaten by the shorties. If I am walking with my sons, there is the occasional look of "you're not bad for an old broad with two kids." But when I'm alone, on my way to work, nothin' doin.' I am now just another of the nameless, faceless schlub women strolling the streets.

Am I the only one out there mourning the death of her hotness? Is this what drives women to Botox or lipo or The Mommy Makeover? I know the Huz has no problem with the way I look, so it's not about that. It's the changing identity that I'm struggling with. Anybody else out there feeling the same way?

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
got it at Loehmann's

Monday, July 16, 2007

Better late than never

I forgot to tag this onto the last post:

A lovely nose ring--
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

My streak remains intact.

Jew/Not a Jew?

Back when the Howard Stern show was on terrestrial radio--and was funny--Howard used to have a regular feature called Jew/Not a Jew. This was a dial-in radio gameshow during which Howard would mention a well-known celebrity, then ask participants to guess whether this person was, in fact, a Jew. (This was a correlary to his other hilarious game, Dead or Alive.) And Howard, as a Jew, had license to find humor in this game, much like the way that only an African-American can use the "N" word.

Jew/Not a Jew is a game I play with my MOT friends all the time. Because the fact is that we are proud of the accomplishments of other Jews, simply by virtue of their Jew-dom. I know we are not alone in this: my husband and father-in-law have often demonstrated extreme fondness for K.J. Choi and Michelle Wie simply because they are Korean/Korean-American. And the huz was pulling for Paul Kim during the American Idol finals, though he will deny deny deny if you ask him about it.

J/NaJ comes with an interesting set of by-laws: What to do with the half-Jews of the world? Well, I will let you in on a little secret. Jewishness is considered to be matrilineal. Meaning that if your mother was a Jew, then you're a Jew. If your Daddy was a Jew, but your Mommy was a shiksa, then you are SOL my non-MOT friend. Perhaps an example will help illustrate:
Kyra Sedgwick = Jew.
Gwyneth Paltrow = Not a Jew.

Ready to play? Here are some celebrity names. Take your best guess. I'll post answers in the comments section:

Natalie Portman
Adam Sandler (if you can't answer that one, then you got no biznezz here)
Robin Williams
Michael Douglas
Harrison Ford
Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal
Scarlett Johansson
Joss Stone
Selma Blair
Zach Braff
David Arquette
Brook Burke
Kate Hudson
Chelsea Handler
Joaquin Phoenix (not to mention River Phoenix.)
Leah Remini
Fred Savage
Winona Ryder
Alicia Silverstone
Phoebe Cates
Robert Downey, Jr.
David Duchovney
Jack Black

Plenty more where that came from. We're just getting warmed up. Wait until we move on to Rock Stars and Professional Athletes!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Chaji Update

In response to some of the comments from my last post--did I mention how much I appreciate the comments? I'm amazed anyone reads this thing, let alone comments on it--I have done some cursory research into the appropriateness of the word chaji. I have found the following:

1. Chaji is an acceptable Japanese word for Tea Ceremony. It may mean that in Korean also, but I can neither confirm or deny.

2. My son said "chaji" once in front of his Korean grandfather and his grandfather's equally Korean , not to mention old school, girlfriend and they both just giggled. No signs of outrage or disapproval.

3. If you google the word chaji, my blog comes up as the 6th entry! That's hot!

4. My husband can shed no light on whether chaji is considered an acceptable word to use for p*nis. No surprise here.

5. My other SIL (not halfmama), who is quite proper herself, has used the word chaji and heard us use chaji without any untoward reaction. If you knew her, you'd know that she is not the type to tolerate a lot of potty-mouth. Halfmama, on the other hand, can be counted on to scream "c*cks*cker" at the drop of a hat.

6. Someone's MySpace page contains the following: "massagie the chaji." Ew.

7. I see chaji listed in the lyrics of several Korean songs. This makes me wonder if it has some alternate meaning, or maybe Korean Gangsta Rap is a burgeoning genre.