Wax Off, Wax On

Why do preschool enrichment classes require that you pay for classes upfront? Probably because they are familiar with the fickle whims of your average 4-year-old.

Case in point: Booper was thriving in his martial arts class, enthusiastically participating, and earned his first stripe after the required 5 classes. At the 6th class, the Handyman came along and videotaped the class for posterity. We watched the video endlessly in the living room, oohing and aahing over Booper's accomplishment. But the Boop did not seem so impressed.

The following week, he absolutely refused to participate. Would not even put on his uniform. The Senpei (junior teacher and also Sensei's son) sensitively inquired if "anything happened at school today" to upset him. Nope. He just categorically refused to do the class. I gave him a pass that day and that night we discussed the problem. It came out that Booper was nervous about doing jumping jacks after seeing himself on the video. He does not think he does JJs the right way, and he refuses to particpate in something that he does not do well. (Uh....that gene would be mine. Sorry.) So after a lengthy JJ practice session and a talk about how it's okay to make mistakes, we tried again.

Boop was willing to put on his uniform this time, but he hid behind the elliptical trainer and would not come out, curling up with a big boo-boo face. The Sensei came over to encourage him, but no dice. I told Sensei that Booper was worried about making a mistake with the jumping jacks. He said, "hey, it's no big deal. I make mistakes with the JJs sometimes too." Booper was unmoved. We stayed for 2/3 of the class, then I took him home, angry at his unwillingness to even try. I know it was a mistake to be angry, and even in the moment I knew it wouldn't help, but I was frustrated at the thought of having spent all this $$ on the class only to have him refuse to do it. I'm not sure why this touched such a nerve in me, but I was pissed. I resolved to talk with Sensei the next day to strategize.

As soon as I walked into the dojo, Sensei asked, "So what's up with [Booper]? Why doesn't he want to do class?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," I answered.

"When that kid smiles, his face lights up the room. But when he's grumpy, look out!" he observed.

"I know. But I don't think it's a good idea to let him quit once it gets difficult. We want to teach him that making mistakes is okay, especially in a class, and that he has to keep trying."

"Yeah, you can't stop bringing him now. He'll just learn that it's okay to give up. Just keep bringing him until you eventually wear him down. Sometimes you have to walk that line between pushing and parenting."

So I resolved to continue bringing him to class. The next opportunity was Saturday morning, after the adult boxing/kickboxing class. In the past, I have taken this one-hour class, which is immediately followed by the preschool martial arts class, and Booper has played or colored while I got my sweat on. The people at the dojo are totally cool with that. So I brought Booper along, hoping he could hang out and get comfortable enough to do his class. (If you knew his personality, you'd know that this is a sound strategy.) I also tried a little "psychology." I told him I was nervous about my class because I was going to have a new teacher, but I planned to do the class anyway, even though I felt scared. I asked him if he feels scared about his class too, and we agreed to support each other through the nerves with a promise of chocolate if we both did our "best job."

Upon arrival, I put on his uniform (I mean I helped him put his uniform on. You knew that, right?) then started punishing myself with kicks, punches, push-ups, and the like. He was watching me intently to be sure I did my "best job" when the Sensei asked him if he'd like to help do some measuring around the studio in preparation for a remodeling project, Booper eagerly agreed. He happily followed Sensei around, holding the tape, counting the numbers, and assisting with the work. They were having a great time, yucking it up. I heard a passer-by ask the Sensei, "Hey...is that your boy?" To which Sensei replied, "I wish."

When it came time for the kids class, Booper again was reluctant to take part. He was worried about the jumping jacks. The senpei lead him over to class and I told him I would do the first part with him (mostly stretching). He agreed. While he did not do any JJs (and that is the very first thing they do), he did complete the rest of the class with aplomb. As a very special reward, Sensei gave him another stripe for his belt. (You're supposed to complete 5 classes for a stripe, and Booper wasn't there yet.) He said that this special stripe was something Booper earned for being brave and overcoming his fears.

Booper was over the moon. After class, he ran into my arms and showed me his new stripe. "Look at my stripe, Mom! I am so happy!" I wanted to run over and give the Sensei a big hug, but opted instead to just whisper "Thank you" as he walked by. To which he replied, "You are very welcome." Don't you love the Sensei? I think I found the right teacher for my kid. Now if I could just get this lucky with the kindergarten thing.

MN in MN

MN: Please forgive my tardiness on this. I was visiting my mother, and the risk of leaving a cookie crumb behind on her computer that would lead her straight to us was just too much chance to take.

You may not know this, but I read your blog every day. I think about you throughout the evening and wonder how you are doing. I imagine creating a voo-doo doll in PN's likeness and jamming the rectal area with sharp little pins.

You know why I am not voting for Hillary? There are several reasons, but here is one that is relevant to this situation: She took shit from her husband that no woman should take, just to further her career. Let's face it. Her husband, while brilliant and possibly an excellent President, humiliated her and her daughter in front of the world. On more than one occasion. And he lied about it, dragging her along with him. I can understand that, while he was Prez, she may not have felt she could dump his ass. But once that part was over, kick that sorry pile to the curb. If she couldn't do it for herself, then what about as an example to her daughter of what NOT to take from a man.

How does this relate to you? Because I am a firm believer that marriage vows are only valid when both parties adhere to them. Marriage may have been created as a lopsided biblical institution designed to enslave women, provide for their economic survival, and offer them protection from roaming bands of wolves, but it's not that anymore. It's a partnership. Takes two to tango, etc. I don't know what your marriage vows contained, but mine did not say, "I promise to take whatever shit you can dish out, allow you to call me names, drive you around so you can get shit-faced when I'm 15-months pregnant, give you all my money to buy darts, clean up your crusty blue underwear, and accept racist and bigoted behavior from your family."

If you did happen to state those vows, then I guess you're screwed. But if you went with the usual "love, honor, respect" thing, then you're free and clear.

So please know that you are doing the right thing. You are doing the only viable thing. You are doing the strong thing. You are doing the sensible thing. You are doing the motherly thing. And we got your back.

Oy, Sensei

Looks like things are going very well for Booper and his martial arts career. He is enthralled with it and looks forward to attending class. The Caboose is a little less enamored, so we're going to push pause for him and let The Boop just do his thing.

But wanna hear the funny part? Today, during my personal training session with Sensei, I learned that he is Jewish. From New York. Bar Mitzvah and everything. He told me he is adopted, which is why he doesn't look Jewish, but he was raised by Jews and considers himself Jewish. Leave it to me to find the only Jewish Martial Arts instructor in all of SF.

I think he is living with the woman who works the front desk. She is half-Korean, half-Chinese, and was telling me how beautiful she thinks Hapa children are. (She was tactful enough to use the word "mixed.") Who knows....maybe there is some Hapa in her future? And for Booper, maybe Hapa is the new black belt.

Ooos!