Back when the Howard Stern show was on terrestrial radio--and was funny--Howard used to have a regular feature called Jew/Not a Jew. This was a dial-in radio gameshow during which Howard would mention a well-known celebrity, then ask participants to guess whether this person was, in fact, a Jew. (This was a correlary to his other hilarious game, Dead or Alive.) And Howard, as a Jew, had license to find humor in this game, much like the way that only an African-American can use the "N" word.
Jew/Not a Jew is a game I play with my MOT friends all the time. Because the fact is that we are proud of the accomplishments of other Jews, simply by virtue of their Jew-dom. I know we are not alone in this: my husband and father-in-law have often demonstrated extreme fondness for K.J. Choi and Michelle Wie simply because they are Korean/Korean-American. And the huz was pulling for Paul Kim during the American Idol finals, though he will deny deny deny if you ask him about it.
J/NaJ comes with an interesting set of by-laws: What to do with the half-Jews of the world? Well, I will let you in on a little secret. Jewishness is considered to be matrilineal. Meaning that if your mother was a Jew, then you're a Jew. If your Daddy was a Jew, but your Mommy was a shiksa, then you are SOL my non-MOT friend. Perhaps an example will help illustrate:
Kyra Sedgwick = Jew.
Gwyneth Paltrow = Not a Jew.
Ready to play? Here are some celebrity names. Take your best guess. I'll post answers in the comments section:
Natalie Portman
Adam Sandler (if you can't answer that one, then you got no biznezz here)
Robin Williams
Michael Douglas
Harrison Ford
Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal
Scarlett Johansson
Joss Stone
Selma Blair
Zach Braff
David Arquette
Brook Burke
Kate Hudson
Chelsea Handler
Joaquin Phoenix (not to mention River Phoenix.)
Leah Remini
Fred Savage
Winona Ryder
Alicia Silverstone
Phoebe Cates
Robert Downey, Jr.
David Duchovney
Jack Black
Plenty more where that came from. We're just getting warmed up. Wait until we move on to Rock Stars and Professional Athletes!
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11 comments:
Other than Adam Sandler, I have to say, I'm not sure about anyone else. To hazard a guess without resorting to Wikipedia I'm finding myself comparing noses...is that bad? I'm halfway ashamed with myself.
Here are my guesses for the Jew-positives, but you threw me all off with the half-Jews and I'm all confused now.
Natalie Portman
Adam Sandler
Robin Williams
Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal
Selma Blair
Zach Braff
Winona Ryder
Yes yes, am I right?
(P.S. I was cheering for Paul Kim too until he did that whole barefoot thing. Gross gross gross.)
Natalie Portman- both parents are jews - she was born in Israel
Adam Sandler (if you can't answer that one, then you got no biznezz
here)- Jewish
Michael Douglas - Jew?
Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal- Jew because mother is Jewish
Scarlett Johansson - Jewish, mother is Jewish
Zach Braff - Jewish
Alicia Silverstone - Jewish
Everyone else I don't know and am less sure to venture a guess. So, Gwyneth Paltrow's dad was Jewish, and not the mom, but could she be at least considered half-Jew? It seems like her half-Jewishness should be somehow recognized, even culturally, if not according to Judaic Law.
Natalie Portman -- 100% Jew
Adam Sandler (if you can't answer that one, then you got no biznezz here) 100% Jew
Robin Williams--not at all a Jew. Shocking, I know.
Michael Douglas--Dad a Jew, not Mom.
Harrison Ford--Mom a Jew, not Dad
Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal--Jews!
Scarlett Johansson--Mom a Jew, not Dad
Joss Stone--Big ole Jew
Selma Blair--Her too
Zach Braff--Bar Mitzvah Boy
David Arquette--Yup.
Brook Burke--Can you believe it, she's a Jew?
Kate Hudson--Mom a Jew, not Dad
Chelsea Handler--Nope. Mom was a Mormon.
Joaquin Phoenix (not to mention River Phoenix.)--All them Phoenix kids are yidds.
Leah Remini--Yes, Mom was a Jew. And she is plotzing over the Scientology.
Fred Savage--all Jew
Winona Ryder--big ole Jew
Alicia Silverstone--yes, 100%
Phoebe Cates--Jewish!
Robert Downey, Jr.-- Nope.
David Duchovney -- Just Dad, not Mom.
Jack Black--Yup. Mom and Dad both
Bonus: Pink is a Jew! I'm so proud.
In response to ranunculus: In truth, Jews today are willing to take all comers. Our numbers are dwindling, in large part due to sinners like me who marry outside the faith, so the elders can't be choosyf. In a serious F U to the Nuremberg Laws, Jews will wrap those bingo arms around you even if you are 1/42nd Jewish (or 1/42th to reference a previous post of ill repute on another site.) I think this whole matrilineal thing only applies now to eligibility for burial in Jewish cemetaries and other ridiculous, old school shit like that. But I still think it's a fun game.
What about the Persian Jews? Show them some love...
Check out my interview with the Persian Jewish Actress, Bahar Soomekh from "Crash":
http://iranianamericanjews.blogspot.com/2007/02/exclusive-interview-iranian-jewish.html
Natalie Portman, Kate Hudson, Selma Blair, how can anyone be anti-Semitic with this crowd? Where do I sign up?
You can't consider whether the mother is Jewish or not as the bar to measure whether someone is Jewish or not. You have to ask them and while most of your answers are correct, there are incorrect ones. Ones offhand are are Gwenyth Paltrow and Chelsey Handler (both consider themselves Jewish), and the Phoenix kids, none of them practice(d) religion, in fact they were in a cult. For someone who researches this as to what they are and what they believe, go to: http://jewornotjew.com/
Logan Lerman and Natalie Portman are very beautiful Jews (on both sides, to be specific). And Odeya Rush!
For future reference:
Actors of fully Jewish background: -Logan Lerman, Natalie Portman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli, James Wolk, Julian Morris, Esti Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Erin Heatherton, Odeya Rush, Anton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott Mechlowicz, Lizzy Caplan, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Laurent, Marla Sokoloff, Shiri Appleby, Justin Bartha, Adam Brody, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Gabriel Macht, Halston Sage, Seth Gabel, Alden Ehrenreich.
Actors with Jewish mothers and non-Jewish fathers -Jake Gyllenhaal, Dave Franco, James Franco, Scarlett Johansson, Daniel Radcliffe, Alison Brie, Eva Green, Emmy Rossum, Rashida Jones, Jennifer Connelly, Eric Dane, Jeremy Jordan, Joel Kinnaman.
Actors with Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, who themselves were either raised as Jews and/or identify as Jews: -Andrew Garfield, Ezra Miller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Alexa Davalos, Nat Wolff, James Maslow, Josh Bowman, Ben Foster, Nikki Reed, Zac Efron, Jonathan Keltz.
Actors with one Jewish-born parent and one parent who converted to Judaism -Dianna Agron, Sara Paxton (whose father converted, not her mother), Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn Sigler.
For future reference:
Actors of fully Jewish background: -Logan Lerman, Natalie Portman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli, James Wolk, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Julian Morris, Adam Brody, Esti Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Gabriel Macht, Erin Heatherton, Odeya Rush, Anton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott Mechlowicz, Lisa Kudrow, Lizzy Caplan, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, Debra Messing, Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Laurent, Shiri Appleby, Justin Bartha, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Margarita Levieva, Elizabeth Berkley, Halston Sage, Seth Gabel, Mia Kirshner, Alden Ehrenreich.
Actors with Jewish mothers and non-Jewish fathers -Jake Gyllenhaal, Dave Franco, James Franco, Scarlett Johansson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Daniel Radcliffe, Alison Brie, Eva Green, Emmy Rossum, Rashida Jones, Jennifer Connelly, Nora Arnezeder, Goldie Hawn, Ginnifer Goodwin, Amanda Peet, Eric Dane, Jeremy Jordan, Joel Kinnaman, Ben Barnes, Patricia Arquette, Kyra Sedgwick.
Actors with Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, who themselves were either raised as Jews and/or identify as Jews: -Andrew Garfield, Ezra Miller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Alexa Davalos, Nat Wolff, Nicola Peltz, James Maslow, Josh Bowman, Winona Ryder, Ben Foster, Nikki Reed, Zac Efron, Jonathan Keltz.
Oh, and Ansel Elgort's father is Jewish, though I don't know how Ansel was raised.
Actors with one Jewish-born parent and one parent who converted to Judaism -Dianna Agron, Sara Paxton (whose father converted, not her mother), Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn Sigler.
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