The Unlikely Custodian

Hi. Welcome to my world. After reading a lot of other blogs, I've concluded that I am just as adorably self-indulgent as the next person, ergo I should have a place online to share my insightful musings. So here I go. Let me start by telling you some things about me that will be relevant to our discussion here. 1) I am Jewish and my husband is Korean. 2) We have two sons, ages (nearly) 4 and (nearly) 2. 4) My husband and I own a business together. Got all that? Great, then let's move on.

Let's start by elaborating on item #1. I am Jewish. I'm not particularly religious, though I did attend Hebrew School for 4 years, but I'm more one of those "cultural" Jews. You know the type. I don't keep kosher, but I love Woody Allen. I don't speak Hebrew, but I do speak Yiddish. I married outside the religion, but my sons are circumcised. I was not bat mitzvahed, but this is a separate matter. I could have been bat mitzvahed--my parents offered--but the prospect of standing up in front of a room full of people (three of whom would be my nuclear family) and singing....IN HEBREW...was more than I could stomach. Plus I was not exactly comfortable with the idea that I was "a woman" at age 13. I think my feelings can best be summed up by this Jewish Haiku:

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
To the seventh grade.

Also, my parents were going through an ugly divorce at the time, and having a big family party with all the meshbuchah didn't seem like such a pleasant way to spend a Saturday.

So I love my Jewish heritage, and I never miss an opportunity to teach my children about theirs. We light Hanukkah candles. We have a Passover seder. As their mother--and the reason why they are Jewish in the first place--it is clearly my role to educate them about their ancestors, customs, and culture. No problem. We even light a Yartzheit candle for their Halmuni, who is sadly gone for nearly 3 years now.

Halmuni was a lovely woman. I know that, way back when, she was strongly opposed to her son marrying anyone not Korean. But by the time he was 36 years old, still single, and living in San Francisco in a suspiciously tidy apartment, I believe she was somewhat relieved to find out he was getting married at all. When she met me, over dinner at a vegetarian Korean restaurant in Manhattan, she was cordial, polite, and reserved. It was a few years later, when our relationship had developed in some unexpected ways, that she said about me to a family friend, "Sometimes an American girl is better than a Korean girl."

And this leads me to the point of my post. I feel very strongly that my biracial/bicultural children should learn as much as they can about their heritage(s). While my understanding and knowledge of their Jewish culture abounds, I am woefully lacking in the Korean language/culture/history department. The boys have two wonderful Komos, who try to add what they can, but they live far away. And their harabuji lives far away also, which leaves quite a void. As for my husband, well...let's just say that being the ambassador for the Korean culture is not exactly his strong suit. I believe that if my MIL were still alive, she would be doing a bang-up job of teaching my children about their Korean background. In fact, we have the most touching and sweet video of her cuddling our older son as a newborn, whispering to him in Korean, asking him if he is sleepy, gazing in wonder at her first grandchild. What wondrous things would she be saying to them now, if she could?

Both of my sons had a Dol, but that's about all they had. They love bulgogi, but I buy it premade at Trader Joe's. They know they have a "chaji" and a "tushy." We hope to enroll them in the Korean-immersion program at one of our local public elementary schools when they reach Kindergarten. But are these gestures enough? Are they going to feel resentful one day that they were deprived of adequate exposure to their proud Korean lineage? Or will they be happy Hapa, satisfied with a little of this and a little of that?

Thoughts?