Psychic Vampirates

My older son, let's call him Booper, age nearly 4, attends preschool. It's a lovely school and we are satisfied with it. So much so, that our younger son, The Caboose, is going to start attending in September. But like any school, there are the attendant issues. Lately, we have been grappling with two in particular. The first has to do with some of the other boys introducing Booper to words and concepts such as "shoot," "kill," "jail," and "dead." The other night he surprised me at bedtime by asking, "Mommy, how do pirates bite your neck and drink your blood until you die?" Ex-squeeze me? We have talked before about dying, which I consider to be a topic well inside my purview as his parent. But pirates that drink your blood? WTF? First, I clarified that it was vampires that are thought to drink your blood, not pirates, (verbal accuracy is important to me, even in these situations) and then explained that this is a "made up" story "to scare people" and not at all true. I noticed that the little friend who told him about this has a habit of telling Booper scary stories designed specifically to frighten him. He is somewhat older, but shorter, and I think this is his current manifestation of a nascent Napoleonic syndrome. Good luck with that, little man.

That seemed to satisfy Booper for the time being, and really, this is the secondary issue. I am okay with the idea that going to school means that he will be exposed to topics, behaviors, and words that we don't use at our house. Isn't that kind of the point? I can't control that and I can't control what the other kids see and hear when they are at home. I can only *try to* teach my kids how I expect them to behave, and control what they are exposed to in our house.

So what is the primary issue? At this point, the primary issue is not the talk of vampires, but rather the actual psychic vampires that loom in the form of other kids' mothers. What the fuck am I talking about? I'll explain.

There is another boy in Booper's class who is widely considered to be a monumental pain in the ass. He is very handsy with the other kids, doesn't listen well to adults, and is disruptive at every party/gathering/event. But this is not his fault, as his parents impose little structure and he is constantly testing the limits, with success in many cases. His mom made it plain that she wanted to arrange a playdate between her son and Booper, so we agreed to go to the zoo one weekend day. Pretty much from the get-go, the Wild Thing (about 10 months older and quite a bit taller) kept putting his hands on Booper. Hitting. Pushing. Pulling hair. One time he led Booper around a corner, out of eyesight momentarily, where he gave Booper a swat across the head and the Boop started to cry. His mother fecklessly told him to stop, with no results. I attempted to intervene, in that awkward way of wanting to discipline someone else's kid without coming off as a controlling bitch, but then he started manhandling the Caboose, and I was at my limit. Feckless Mom told him that, if he touched Booper or the Caboose again, they would have to leave. (I should say that she told him AGAIN that they would have to leave as she had threatened this in the past to no effect.)

Well you could see this stand-off coming like a parade down Main Street. The Wild Thing walked right up to Booper, and while looking his mother straight in the face and grinning his menacing grin, he smacked Booper again. FM turned to me and said, "What should I do? I don't know what to do." I looked her in the face and said, "You should take him home now. You told him you would take him home if he did it again, he did it, and now it's time to say goodbye." And with that, I took my kids' hands and walked away.

A week or so later, after multiple attempts, I thought I'd give FM and WT another try at a playdate. (She's Jewish, so I felt it was my duty to make the effort. If you are unclear on why I feel this level of guilt and responsibility, I refer you back to my previous post, Red Sea Pedestrian.) Here is the email chain:

FM writes: I am back from NY and around to schedule a get together with all of you when your schedule permits.We are open for any activity, if you all are interested. Let us know.

To which I respond: Looks like Huz is going to take both Saturday and Sunday off. Are you still free on Sunday? He is going to work on Monday, so I'll have the boys to myself. If Sunday is still good for you, maybe we can do something together then. What do you think?"

FM: Yes, we are available. Let me know what suits your schedule for time and place. We are open for anything.

Me: We are going to check out the Classic Car show tomorrow on Pier 45. It starts at 10:00 a.m., and we figure that we'll get there around 10:30. Some other friends plan to meet us there as well, also at that time. They have a son, 3, and another on the way. Are you guys interested? We are probably going to park downtown and take the F train to the Pier.

FM: Thanks for the invitation but I think we will pass due to late notice. Also, I guess I misunderstood your acceptance of our offer to get together. I guess I thought we were going to mutually agree upon an activity and spend some time together. Hopefully we can try and reschedule something in the future that works for both our schedules.

Where do I begin here? Is "we are open for anything" somehow code for "you must provide adequate notice of the plans, which may not include any other people, and I have veto power over them?" Did I miss the part where our one, arguably disastrous, playdate means that I owe you something? This may sound a little narcissistic, but I've got WAY TOO MUCH SHIT TO DO to worry about this kind of crap. If I want someone to make me feel guilty for not making enough time for them, I'll call my mother.

Am I over-reacting?

Anyhoozle, here's the real kick in the pants. I apologized to her! Why? Because I have to see her most every morning when I drop Booper off at school and I didn't want it to be awkward for him, or for her son, who can't help himself. We won't be scheduling any more playdates with them, but that's the price of playing poker. Now I am more cautious when it comes to these relationships. I put it right out there that I am not looking to playdate anyone exclusively. I'm telling you, it's a jungle-gym out there.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for:

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?