Remember when I said this? "I am okay with the idea that going to school means that he will be exposed to topics, behaviors, and words that we don't use at our house. Isn't that kind of the point? I can't control that and I can't control what the other kids see and hear when they are at home. I can only *try to* teach my kids how I expect them to behave, and control what they are exposed to in our house."
Well, the joke's on me. Yesterday I had Booper's parent/teacher conference at preschool. It all went beautifully and the teacher went on and on with his glowing review. At the end of the meeting, I asked her if there is anything we should work on with him or any areas where he needs more support. After reassuring me that we are "great parents," she offered some advice: "Booper is doing very well and is wonderful to have in class. But sometimes, when he is playing with certain older kids, he allows them to influence his behavior. They tell him to do things that he knows are wrong, and he can succumb to that pressure. So we are working on teaching him to stick with what he knows is right or wrong." I knew to what and who she was referring, and we resolved to reinforce this idea at home.
Cut to us at home that night, hanging out and playing in the living room. The boys were walking on my back (has anyone else tried this? It feels GREAT!) and we were giggling and having a wholesome family time. Then Booper dropped this bombshell: "I am going to touch you with my p*nis." SAY WHAT?! I knew this was something he picked up at school, especially because we call it a chaji at our house, not p*nis. But touching someone with it?! I tried not to panic and asked him,
"Where did you hear about touching someone with your p*nis?"
"I heard it from [Napoleonic Syndrome Boy]."
"Does he touch you with his p*nis?"
"yes. When we are at the potties." (The potties at his school are open and public. And during our occasional playdates I notice that they like to cross "streams.")
Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else? What did you do?
I felt that this was one of the "Slow down, buddy. I'm not ready" moments of motherhood. So I went over the idea that his chaji is private, so no one outside the family can touch it. And that he shouldn't use it to touch other people, for the same reason. He understood, and was sure to clarify that "I can touch my own chaji, right Mommy?" Say hello to my little friend. So, anybody out there have more experience with this than me? Normal 3-4-year-old development? Should I say something to his mother? And how to delicately broach the subject?
Harsh Scrabble discord--
someone has placed "putzhead"
on a triple word score.
13 comments:
oh geez. when i look at booper's innocent face, so similar to my own peanut's, i just can't imagine something like that coming out of his mouth. i know that it's said with that same innocence, but it really makes me glad that peanut can't talk yet! :-P
btw, your boys are just adorable!
Uuuuhhhh.... uuuuuhhhhh...
I'm anxious to see what advice you get here. Because mine would be: Tell Napoleonic Syndrome Boy's parents to keep their son away from my innocent nephew.
I know. Not helpful.
But touch? P*nises? Why? Where does NSB learn that? Or is that just normal boy curiousity?
Can you ask the teachers to keep a better eye on them in the brs?
I used to walk on my sister's back all the time. :)
Sorry, no advice for the other touchy (pun intended!) issue you've raised. I'd say someone should definitely have a conversation with that classmate though.
I really enjoy reading your blog. I think the Korean/Jewish combo is really cool.
I think the parents of that Napoleonic Syndrome boy should be contacted. Maybe Booper should be told not to interact with him? Not sure how he would avoid NS boy at school, unless the teacher supervised the quarantine. :)
On a side note, I grew up in a Korean household, and recently I mentioned "chaji" in our conversation and my mom screamed at me while turning red. She said there is a negative connotation with that - it's almost like a swear word. A lot of Korean moms say "kochu" for boys, which means "pepper," but I am not sure if you are a fan of cutesy baby version names for the human anatomy.
I am assuming a Korean taught you that word, so if it's as bad as my mom makes it out to be, I am surprised no one has pointed it out before. Maybe my mom is just more sqeamish? Just to let you know cuz you may not want your boys saying that aloud in a Korean supermarket with a lot of ajummas around. :)
I am not busting on your usage of it or anything, because I didn't think twice about it myself. I just wanted to give you a perspective that others may have about it, which I was clueless about until my mother made it clear through her screaming. I kept on asking her "What's wrong with it? Why is it so bad?" and her last statement through the fire breathing out of her nostrils was, "Wait til your dad hears that word from your mouth!" (And I am 28).
Wow. That kid's parents need to be contacted PRONTO and he cannot have contact with your son. It probably is natural curiosity but it's still inappropriate social behavior, if not borderline abusive.
My visceral response was not.very.helpful. I would be screaming at the NSB boy's parents and threatening to sue. But, that's the Scarsdale in me.
I believe informing the teacher to keep a close eye on nsb to make sure that kind of behavior is nipped at the butt. and maybe have the teacher talk to nsb parents about it. I don't think it would take much effect if you talk to his parents. But they will probably listen when the teacher saw it with her own eyes and she tells them.
I guess one of my concern is where did NSB learn to do that? It could simply be an innocent thing... or it could be something sinister. I think NSB's parents would appreciate knowing it - unless they already know about it and it's a harmless curiosity on NSB's part. Sigh - I wish things were simpler when it comes to body parts.
You know, I've never heard of 'chaji' but then I don't know any swear words or any other Korean word besides 'gochu' for p*nis... so I don't know...
You were right to talk with Booper about boundaries and privacy.As the mother of a 6 year old boy, I would want to know if my son did or said something that another parent found inappropriate,thank God, nothing like this has ever happened. Yes, it may just be innocent play, but it is also inappropriate and you handled it well with Booper. I would approach the other parent gently and let them know this type of play has been occurring, see how they react. Just give the other parents the facts, without using any language that could be seen as being judgmental.If they don't think it's a big deal and don't do anything, that's your cue that maybe future playdates aren't a great idea. Also, maybe have a chat with the teachers so there is better supervision in the bathrooms. Good luck!
It sounds like you handled it well. I would think that contacting the school and informing them of the bathroom stunts would be the best call. If you don't know the mother of nsb, she might become extremely offended and try to make trouble for you (in preschool!). It was probably innocent play. I remember doing stuff that my mom didn't know about, that nowadays would have sent me straight into counselling, and I was never abused in ANY way.
I ... can't ... wha?? So not prepared for that. It probably is innocent but I agree with the others, you did good with your explanation and it's probably worth mentioning to the parents just in case, I know I would want to know if it were my kid. Even just thinking about the possible abuse makes me absolutely krayjee.
UPDATE: I spoke with the teachers at school about this issue. They were appropriately concerned, but not alarmed. They are monitoring bathroom activity closely and keeping an ear out. Thanks for all the support and advise. We have not heard any more talk about touching with the p*nis, so crisis handled...for now.
Silly mommies-
Little boys play with penis... their own and their friend's....from about Booper's age to just before puberty (say 10-12) as "play" and not anything else. The biggest difference between a 4 y/o's play and an 8 y/o's is that you'll never hear about it from the older boy.
Don't worry about it (in this case).
Consider that they may be "touching" each other with it as a way to explore the difference (and I LOL at a mother of two's shock at "touching someone with it?!").
Since you mentioned that you've watched the boys urinate before, could it be that NSB is not circumcised and Booper is? The interest in "turtlenecks" for those of us without them (and vice versa) frequently led to a "show and tell" moment during my elementary school days.
Sounds to me like your son is ok with it, there are many worse words for him to bring home than the medical "penis", and I'd worry more about the effect of adults looking over his shoulder while urinating than "touching penis" with a classmate.
Jahf... bad kid since 64... bad dad since 96
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