While Veruca has eased off when it comes to teasing Booper (after I let her know one morning that I did not approve of her behavior, nor did I appreciate her lying about it when we all heard what she said,) I did see that she reduced another girl (another member of the Princess Posse) to tears this morning after slinging some cruel insults her way. After being reprimanded, little Veruca sat teary-eyed, sucking her thumb for all it's worth. Oh boo hoo.What is noteworthy about all this is that Booper, Veruca, and a couple other members of the Princess Posse will be transitioning together to pre-K next week. They tour the new school this week, then next week make the switch for real. Booper is excited to "graduate" to this new classroom (at a different location) and I am looking forward to seeing a dilution in this toxic little dynamic. Booper knows several kids in this class already, so my hope is that he will be welcomed warmly and find himself with a bevy of other playmates at school.
We remain on the waiting list--excuse me, "in the waiting pool," for a spot in Korean Immersion. And we will stay there until the fat lady sings. So this could mean a sudden change at the last possible moment, but we are prepared to seize the chance, should it present itself.
Meanwhile, I am developing quite a little grudge toward Veruca. How does a 41-year-old woman come to find herself disliking a 4-year-old girl? Have any of you wrestled with this before? Her parents seem like cordial--if somewhat clueless--people who are bumbling through child rearing. They have been told about this problem, but are frankly ill-equipped to handle it. They try their "full court press" to no avail. Will she ever get put in her place? Or will this reign of terror continue? I am just so grateful that we are not going to know her during her teenage years.
While I'm on the subject, let me share this story with you all, because I think you'll really appreciate it. Veruca is often babysat by one of the teachers at the school. This teacher, we'll call her Kim, is a Korean adoptee, raised in Iowa by a Caucasian family. She is kind of a strange bird, lives alone, very quiet, wears a lot of Disney T-shirts, but altogether sweet with the children. She is utterly devoted to Veruca and her family, babysitting for them at least once per week. I was talking with Veruca's mom about this unique bond the other day, and she said to me, "I just hope that [Kim] is out of our lives before [Veruca] figures out that she's not cool, and just rejects her."
WT Flying F is that? Is this what you are accepting from your kids? That it's okay to "reject" loving, caring adults simply because they "aren't cool?"
We have one more year with this family in the pre-K, and then I'm cutting them off. Quick fade and we're done. Our younger son will then move up to pre-K, and their younger daughter will remain in the same school, so we will not cross paths. I don't have the cajones to just "break up" with them. I have never been good at breaking up. Especially with friends or acquaintances. Have you had to do it? How did you manage?
We are trying to embrace this as the "learning experience" that it is, and I know there will be other problematic schoolmates in the future, but I can't suppress the urge to just cut and run.
Oh, and that's the Caboose and myself at Lake Tahoe a few weeks ago.
6 comments:
i have no idea what makes some kids so cruel. at the park the other day a 7 or 8 ear old boy suddenly started teasing my little not yet three year old noah. for no reason. actually, i think i have to post about it soon because that's how much it's bothering me.
i guess it's a good idea to be civil until you don't have to see them anymore.
absolute shock though, at what that mom said. gah.
I am not fond of mean little girls. Maybe because I've been subjected to absolutely hideous non-childlike abuse from other mean little girls - and know that there's nothing "kids being kids" about the mean streak.
I actually met my mean little girl back in high school (senior year) when I was in Korea - she happened to be in the same church orchestra my dad forced me to join. Turns out she was still mean (in a more controlled manner) - but she no longer had her posse; everyone else disliked her.
There's got to be a moral in that story. Hm. :-)
One of the hardest things about parenting is teaching your kids to deal with reality and the Veruca's out there. During the first month of 1st grade, after 4 years in a very sheltered Montessori where all the parents were lovely; my son invites a friend over that draws quite graphic pictures of naked women and then tells my son to keep it a secret. Of course my son told me what happened. I told him that the human body is great and you shouldn't make fun of it and that you shouldn't keep secrets from mom. For the rest of the school year, the mom calls me in "pursuit" of making our kids best friends. It is hard to tell kids that they shouldn't emulate someone's behavior or spend too much time with them.
Seems like you are strong and have a good handle on what is happening at school. I'm sure you'll help your kids navigate there way through friendships in a healthy way.
Alice
I practice AVOIDANCE--rather than the hard core "Break Up". I am a weenie when it comes to that...I will post about this-as it would be interesting to recount--the ONE time I did a HARD CORE break up with a woman and her family I had befriended. ouch!
And-you asked how does a 41 yr old come to hate a 4 yr old? LOL--the same way my 36 yr old rear has come to have the same feelings for my neighbors kid....it's easy! I just dealt with that this morning! LOL
I am hoping you get into the school you want to! We got the notice a week before school started that mine would go to my preferred school--we were in the waiting pool too....fingers still crossed for you!
Run -- RUN! -- from la famille de Veruca... lest those insecure issues rub all over my sweet little darling nephew who needs none of that vitriol in his innocent young life. Who the F teaches their kids about who is or isn't COOL?? Yuck. It is clear where Veruca is learning her morals.
I found myself seriously disliking Little Miss Kid Rock. Remember her? The one who punched Bean and made Bean walk away and sit on the swing by herself and cry? I still clench my fist thinking of her. But, I overcompensated this year by cheerfully saying hi to LMKR at school, and trying to be overly nice to her parents, even though I looked at them and wondered which one of them was teaching their kid to punch with a closed fist. They are not returning next year (according to her mom, LMKR is getting bored at school; i.e. her daughter is way too intelligent for the school... *ahem*) so I guess I'll be able to stop trying so hard when I see them. It was fine and I tried not to hold grudges, but I'm a little relieved. I was trying so hard more for myself than anyone; the demon in me wanted to pick that girl up and kick her across the yard. But the sane person in me realized that seemed a little hypocritical.
So glad you will have a 'natural' breakup with this family... Still, I hope the breakup comes sooner. Or I might need to come out and kick some Veruca arse.
I just happened to catch Mean Girls on TV while I was doing some work today. Have you seen this? If not, watch it. It's Veruca-in-making. (And her mom would be Amy Poehler.) Warning: you will want to pick Booper up and run very quickly away from this family.
this is frankly scaring the crap out of me. The Action Hero get shellshocked when girls aren't responsive to him or say no and he's only two.
i want to live in the woods.
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