The Bitch is Back

While Veruca has eased off when it comes to teasing Booper (after I let her know one morning that I did not approve of her behavior, nor did I appreciate her lying about it when we all heard what she said,) I did see that she reduced another girl (another member of the Princess Posse) to tears this morning after slinging some cruel insults her way. After being reprimanded, little Veruca sat teary-eyed, sucking her thumb for all it's worth. Oh boo hoo.

What is noteworthy about all this is that Booper, Veruca, and a couple other members of the Princess Posse will be transitioning together to pre-K next week. They tour the new school this week, then next week make the switch for real. Booper is excited to "graduate" to this new classroom (at a different location) and I am looking forward to seeing a dilution in this toxic little dynamic. Booper knows several kids in this class already, so my hope is that he will be welcomed warmly and find himself with a bevy of other playmates at school.

We remain on the waiting list--excuse me, "in the waiting pool," for a spot in Korean Immersion. And we will stay there until the fat lady sings. So this could mean a sudden change at the last possible moment, but we are prepared to seize the chance, should it present itself.

Meanwhile, I am developing quite a little grudge toward Veruca. How does a 41-year-old woman come to find herself disliking a 4-year-old girl? Have any of you wrestled with this before? Her parents seem like cordial--if somewhat clueless--people who are bumbling through child rearing. They have been told about this problem, but are frankly ill-equipped to handle it. They try their "full court press" to no avail. Will she ever get put in her place? Or will this reign of terror continue? I am just so grateful that we are not going to know her during her teenage years.

While I'm on the subject, let me share this story with you all, because I think you'll really appreciate it. Veruca is often babysat by one of the teachers at the school. This teacher, we'll call her Kim, is a Korean adoptee, raised in Iowa by a Caucasian family. She is kind of a strange bird, lives alone, very quiet, wears a lot of Disney T-shirts, but altogether sweet with the children. She is utterly devoted to Veruca and her family, babysitting for them at least once per week. I was talking with Veruca's mom about this unique bond the other day, and she said to me, "I just hope that [Kim] is out of our lives before [Veruca] figures out that she's not cool, and just rejects her."

WT Flying F is that? Is this what you are accepting from your kids? That it's okay to "reject" loving, caring adults simply because they "aren't cool?"

We have one more year with this family in the pre-K, and then I'm cutting them off. Quick fade and we're done. Our younger son will then move up to pre-K, and their younger daughter will remain in the same school, so we will not cross paths. I don't have the cajones to just "break up" with them. I have never been good at breaking up. Especially with friends or acquaintances. Have you had to do it? How did you manage?

We are trying to embrace this as the "learning experience" that it is, and I know there will be other problematic schoolmates in the future, but I can't suppress the urge to just cut and run.

Oh, and that's the Caboose and myself at Lake Tahoe a few weeks ago.

The Princess Posse

Booper is quite the Romeo at preschool. There are a few girls who have targeted him for matrimony and Prince duty. I know these girls are into the Princess thing (Ariel, Belle, etc.), so I chalked this up to the Disney effect. Plus Booper is a gentle soul with a beautiful face, so what's not to love? Booper didn't seem bothered by it, so I let it ride, even when I arrived at school to see these girls draped all over him, hugging and kissing him. Once I even saw their ringleader standing there with her hand on his ass. I am not kidding. (and yes, we had a parent/teacher conversation about that last one.)

In the last few weeks, though some of these girls have turned on him and started teasing him about whatever they could find. The ringleader, Veruca Salt here, is rather a spoiled brat, so I think she was annoyed at Booper for not always giving in to her demands and requests. The Boop is a sensitive guy, though, so he just got his feelings hurt and even dissolved in tears in my lap one afternoon after a particularly brutal session.

Come to find out that this bunch of girls has also been picking on another of Booper's classmates, a little girl we love, who I will call Sophia. When Sophia first came to school, one of the Princess Posse was pinching her every day and leaving bruises! That has subsided, but there has been consistent teasing and ostracizing of sweet Sophia. We found this out because last night Booper had a sleepover at Sophia's house, and her parents were sharing their stories with us. In fact, we joked about how Sophia is going to be in deep doo-doo when the Princess Posse finds out that she had Booper all to herself for an entire night.

This morning, I was dropping the Caboose off at school and I ran into the Princess Posse. Veruca asked me, "Where's Booper?"

I said, "He slept over at Sophia's last night, and her Daddy is dropping him off later."
Veruca: "What?" (crestfallen look on face.)
Me: "He slept over at Sophia's house last night and her father is going to drop them off in a little while."
V: "Really?" (stricken look on face.)
Me: "Yup. Really."

I am so petty, but I have to admit that I took great satisfaction in delivering this piece of news to Veruca. Mostly because she has been giving Booper such a hard time lately with the teasing and, on his behalf, I wanted to exact some small measure of revenge. But also because of what they have been doing to Sophia. It is small of me, I know. But there it is. I fully expect to receive a sleepover invitation from Veruca's parents round about 8 p.m. tonight, a.k.a. first available opportunity. Not because they want Booper to sleep over, but because they want to give Veruca what she wants. Well, Booper is nobody's Wonka Bar, so we are prepared to gently turn them down. Can you believe we are dealing with this already?

Ennui

Wow, I am bored. And I realize I have not posted to this blog in too long, so excuse me while I brain barf a series of unrelated, and unimportant, thoughts.

* Booper has a sleepover planned for this weekend. No big deal, right? But this time he was invited to sleep over at a girl's house. A sweet, adorable girl that we love. And we love her parents. I asked Booper if he was okay with the idea and received an enthusiastic yes! So we are going to their house for Korean food, then Booper stays over and we go home. Does this seem weird to anyone else? Part of me thinks, "Hey...I didn't have boys sleep over when I was a kid." But another part of me thinks, "Hey...they are Korean. So that makes it okay!" Reminds me of the time that my father-in-law left my son with some random Korean people at the zoo while he went to the bathroom. I know he figured that, if they're Korean, they're okay.

* I think Angelina Jolie is gorgeous and has never looked better.

* I wonder why all the women on Survivor have shaved armpits and no bikini line. Even if they waxed right before it started, by day 30 they would have some strays. So what gives?

* One of the kids in Booper's preschool class hit me yesterday on the ass. Without really thinking, I wheeled around and said, "XXX, that is not okay! I do not play with boys who hit!" And then I walked away. He is the *problem* boy at school, and Booper often tells me that he "gets his choices made for him" because of his behavior issues. Poor little thing is just confused. He has two mommies and a daddy and none of them live together (or within 20 miles of each other) and he doesn't know which end is up. But hitting is just not okay. This boy goes to a different parent's house every night--unless one of them is out of town--and I can't imagine what this is like. Different clothes, different toys, different rules. I feel for ya, kid, but keep your mitts off the tush.

It is really hot here today. It's never hot here. This is one of the reasons I love San Francisco. Never too hot. Never too cold. Always just right, Goldilocks. As a result, we do not have air conditioning at home or at work. So here I sit, schvitzing.

Round 2 -- Skunked Again

In an act of amazing efficiency, the school district was able to get our Round 2 acceptance letters out one day early. Ergo, I received Booper's assignment letter today. If you can call it an "assignment letter." Essentially, it said, "You'll get nothing and like it." I mean, who do you have to fuck to get your kid into kindergarten around here?

Let me back up: The letter told us that he did not get a spot in the Korean Immersion program, nor did he get a spot in any of the other schools we requested. He will remain in a waiting pool for the Korean Immersion, but the chances of that working out are slim to none. It would require that a family that already has a spot relinquish it for some reason. Historically, this is rare, and rarer still in these highly coveted language immersion programs. So how do you say, "You're fucked" in Korean.

So my child has no kindergarten assignment for next year. If we wanted to, we could check out some of the schools that still have spaces like The Asbestos Laden School or Cripsandbloods Elementary. The only good news is that he does have a spot in the lovely pre-K program at his current preschool where they will teach him to read and write and where he will have a wonderful year of stimulating curriculum with his current group of friends. So we can go through this bullshit again next year.

The preschool is great. In fact, the Caboose's class is do a project on cultural diversity. The teacher made them passports to travel the world. Their first destination was Africa. This week they went to Korea! All the Korean moms of beautiful Hapa children in this class (there are 3 half-Korean/half-white tots in just this class) brought in han bok and treats for the kids. It was wonderful.

Alright, I'm going off to mope somewhere.

A teeny tiny update

Because I can't leave well enough alone, I called the Educational Placement Center today for a little more information. I have a few clarifications to report: 1) The Round 2 letters are mailed on April 28th, so look for me to post results on the 29th or 30th. 2) As of COB today, there are 6 children in the waiting pool for Korean Immersion. That's actually not too bad. Last year there were 10. And of that 10, 2 families got spots. But they are not finished yet entering all the applications, so this number "changes daily." What they could not yet tell me is how many spots at the school are open. (Those who were offered seats had to accept them by March 21st, or they are offered to families in the waiting pool. Naturally, I'd like to know how many, if any, seats remain open.)

I will say one thing: The people who answer the phone at this place are always really friendly. You'd think, after months of dealing with neurotic parents, they would be kind of fed up. Maybe they are just drunk with power.

Round 2

Lacking the aforementioned Korean secret handshake, I sent the Handyman downtown with our school enrollment forms last week as planned. He had an enlightening visit. I am reluctant to post about this, just on the off chance that some how some way some one should read this and it would torpedo our chances. But suffice to say, we made the necessary adjustments and filled out paperwork for Round 2. When the dust has settled, I'm happy to share all that we learned.

Here's where we stand: We are allowed to list ONE waiting pool choice, and we can submit a list of "alternative" school choices that we would consider for assignment as well. For our waiting list choice, we put the Korean Immersion program. Duh. I've heard that tenacity pays off with this process, so I'm in this for the long haul. Wouldn't you be? A chance to send your child to Korean Immersion for 5 years, capped off by a school trip to Korea and then another 3 years at a wonderful public middle school? For this to pan out, we need a family to turn down its assignment to this fantastic program in favor of another school or moving away. (In reality, we may need this to happen a few times until they get to us in the wait pool.) The chances are slim, but we have to try. For "alternative" schools, we listed our neighborhood school, which is a sweet little school that would be fine. Just fine. It's closeby, friendly, adequate. It's painted blue. If we should get a chance to attend kindergarten there, the tough decision would be to take that and run, giving up the ghost on Korean Immersion, or try again next year after a year in pre-K.

Results of this round of assignments go out on April 25th, I think. If we still don't get what we want, there are other chances later in the summer that we could be plucked from the wait pool. We can stay in that waiting place until 10 days after the school year starts (the notorious "10 Day Count" when they count the students and fill in any empty seats. We have heard that families will get a call 10 days into the school year telling them they can have their desired spot if they are okay with switching their kid. We would be willing to do that for Korean Immersion.)

To answer some of the questions you have posed: NO OTHER CITY that I know of in the U.S. runs their public schools this way. This is part of a program known as ""School Choice" which is really just a nice way of saying that they wanted to integrate the schools, but school assignments cannot be given out based on race as this was found to be unconstitutional. So we have this wackadoo system where you can theoretically choose your school, except that it seems the vast majority of people flock to the same schools, then many people don't get in to any of their choices and are all dumped in other schools that are totally unworkable. So if you don't live within the city limits of San Francisco, which is also the County of San Francisco, you don't have to fret about this.

I try to keep a level head on most things, but the frenzy regarding schools is outrageous. I know Moms who were literally in tears for a week because they did not get the school choices they wanted. I feel lucky that we have the option of pre-K, and also relieved that we did not go through the private school admissions process this year, which seems much more personal as they are assessing your child and you!

So here we are. What a pain in the ass! (hence the photo.) That, by the way, was the Caboose's caboose. Delish!

It's not Who you know, it's Who you ARE.

The kindergarten drama continues round here. While the spots are swirling among the various private schools, we continue our undaunted pursuit of the Korean Immersion Program at a well-regarded public school. SF boasts many language immersion programs, but this is the only Korean one. The others are Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, and Spanish. The kinder class has 20 seats, some of which were taken by siblings of the older kids (don't know how many). So we are vying for one of those few remaining seats. We didn't get one in Round 1, so we are submitting our name for the Waiting Pool and hoping for the best. Last year, 2 seats were made available to families in the waiting pool, so there is a slim chance. I realize now, however, that I may have made a crucial error by not emphasizing on our form that we have a Korean speaker in the home. Apparently this is a big factor, though nowhere on the form does it ask that.

The application form did ask us these questions:

1) What is the first language your children spoke: For our kids, that is English.

2) What is the primary language spoken in the home: You got it, English again. (If you don't count chaji, koondengi, and pangoo as "primary language.")

3) Please mark the box next to the racial group that your child most identifies with, ranking them 1, 2, 3, etc. Huh? I am supposed to rank them? My kids are Hapa. the Ha and the Pa are equally important and equally present. You can't possibly expect me to rank them. So I put an X in the Korean box and an X in the "White" box. I guess this wasn't good enough.

A little bit of history here: Up until 1946, on most public enrollment/application forms, "Jewish" was a racial group. One can argue the merits of that, if one wants to, and I don't, but it is a fact. So a person back then was categorized as either Caucasian, Negro, Oriental, Jewish, etc. I know these terms are antiquated, and in many instances offensive, but they are the terms used at the time. After WW II, Jewish was dropped as a racial category and Jews were supposed to say they are "White." Again, one could argue the merits of this, and I don't want to, at least not right now. So being asked to classify my kids as "white" and "Korean," and then being asked to prioritize these things was, to put it bluntly, fucked up. Oh, and they say that they are asking for the racial information for purely demographic reasons. It has no impact on school assignment. Then why ask me to prioritize it?

So now we are in the situation of having to strategize to get into the KIP program, or else have Booper do a year of pre-K, which I'm sure he would love, then do this all over again next year. I am really okay with "red-shirting" him for a number of reasons. But I am feeling pretty annoyed at how we have to go through these machinations to get our kid into public school. Despite our annoyance, the current plan is to have The Handyman, in all his Korean glory, go down to the Educational Placement Center and let them know that we have a Korean speaker in the home. This is supposed to be very desirable, as he could potentially help the kids with homework, etc. Can you believe that this is what it takes?

I spoke for a while with a mom who sent both of her kids through this immersion program, though they are not at all Korean. She loves the program and thinks it's "perfect" for us. I agree. It is perfect. We are committed to the culture and the language and would be very enthusiastic about the annual school trip to Korea and the Korean student exchange in 6th grade. She said a lot of folks ask for the Korean Immersion just to get into the school, then they drop it after a year or two and go into the general education strand of this highly regarding elementary school. Jerks.

Any other ideas out there on how to handle this? Is there some secret Korean handshake I can do with someone to grease the wheels a little bit?